


Watching You

by mellonemrys



Category: Gundam Wing, 機動戦士ガンダム | Mobile Suit Gundam (TV)
Genre: M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-03
Updated: 2014-01-03
Packaged: 2018-01-07 07:28:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1117175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellonemrys/pseuds/mellonemrys





	Watching You

Watching Duo get dressed and undressed was always one of my favourite parts of the day. That braid always swung around as he looked for a clean shirt and the shoe that he kicked off before I pinned him to the bed the night before. I knew he could feel my eyes on him since he’d turn his head ever so slightly towards me as he went through the motions. He always wore black. I had never questioned it until now. But as he buttoned up his black shirt, and put on a black tie, I wondered why he always did. Once he was ready, I followed him out of our apartment.

It was funny how we’d decided on it. And very much like Duo. We’d had two options, so we’d flipped a coin. Duo’s choice had won, and I was probably going to give into his whims anyway. I liked giving in to Duo. He was my partner, my lover, my everything. So of course I tried to give him everything he wanted. I love him, more than anything.

But in the car we were both quiet. Duo was always quiet on these days. I could hardly see any of the usual light in his eyes. He didn’t have that half smile on his face, and I missed it. Ghosting my fingers over his hand on center console he pulled away. When I couldn’t touch him and make him feel better it hurt. But I understood why I couldn’t help. Duo didn’t do well with loss. Goodbyes weren’t easy for him. Especially when it came to loved ones and friends. So I would just have to be there for him when he needed me. Then I would be able to hold him in my arms and make him feel like he was safe.

The service was short at least. And we didn’t stay for long after the casket had been lowered into the ground. Friends tried to approach us, but Duo wasn’t in a state to talk to anyone. I could tell he was holding back tears. So I didn’t mind leaving early. What ever Duo wanted was what he would receive. Maybe it spoiled him. But I really didn’t care.

In the car I could hear him start to break down, but I didn’t mention it. Duo would need some time. We went back into our dark little apartment and Duo pulled out a bottle of whiskey. He’d been drinking more since it had happened. And no one was stopping him. I sat down next to him and watched as he drank nearly the whole bottle. He looked terrible, but he was still beautiful in a sick, broken sort of way. His hair was a mess because he kept running his fingers through it and they would get caught. His eyes had started to glass over, and I wasn’t sure he could really see me when he finally looked in my direction.

“Heero?”

Leaning forward, I brushed a little kiss against his lips. He was trembling and when I pulled back I saw he had a pill bottle in one of his hands. I didn’t want him to be this broken. I wanted him to bounce back and get better. Be the man that I loved and would love forever.

“Babe...please tell me this isn’t a good idea.”

He was looking up at the ceiling now, trying to wipe his eyes. And all I could do was place a hand on his thigh and rub my thumb over it. Right now he wouldn’t really hear me. He was too far gone. Drunk and crying and begging me to take the pills out of his hand before he swallowed them.

But I couldn’t. I sat there and watched and gave him no answer. And after a few minutes he shakily started opening the pill bottle.

“I can’t do this anymore babe. Not alone.”

 _I know_ , I said to myself. He’d been angry at first. That first night he’d put his fist through the wall before collapsing into Quatre’s arms. Then the drinking had started and the sadness had crept into him. At this point I was selfishly hoping he would end it so he wouldn’t be miserable anymore. Because it hurt to watch him destroy himself. 

Looking around one more time, he laid back on the couch and started putting the pills into his mouth, one by one. As if that might make him stop eventually. Every few pills he’d take a swig from the bottle, staring right at me. There wasn’t any life in his eyes, it was almost like he was already dead. The whiskey bottle falling to the floor shocked me back to my senses and I was at his side, trying to feel for a pulse or see his chest rise and fall. No one this young should have to kill themselves. Life had been hard for Duo, but this really couldn’t be the end for the man that I loved.

As I brushed against his skin, I knew that even if I could get to a phone it was too late. I had waited too long and all I could do was watch him slip through my fingers. He closed his eyes one last time and my chest felt tight. I don’t know how long I sat on the floor next to his corpse, holding his hand. It seemed like forever, but then there was a weight on my shoulder. I turned and looked up into eyes so blue they were nearly violet. They were shining with all the light I remembered them having, and I couldn’t help myself as I got to my feet clumsily and hugged him as tightly as possible.

“I’m sorry.” He told me after a few minutes. His fingers were combing through my hair and making me never want to leave this moment.

“You told me why.”

“That doesn’t make it any easier Heero.” Duo finally said as he separated us enough to look me in the eye. “I could feel you still. It was too much.”

“I know.”

“You’ve gotta take me somewhere now, right?”

I nodded, already feeling a pull towards the light that bound me to a duty I had never asked for. All I wanted to do was stay with him. But I knew that I couldn’t.

“I always knew you were my guardian angel. But you’re much sexier than all the angels know about.” He was trying to be funny, to make it hurt less, so I offered him a pained smile. “Any idea where I’m going?”

“No. But I wish I was coming with you.”

“So do I, but I made my choice. I love you babe.”

“I love you as well.” I told him, wishing that during those weeks when he’d been hurting the most I could have told him. But what was done was done, I took Duo’s hand and squeezed it tightly. The light washed away all pain and sorrow. It cleansed old wounds and healed them. And it helped Duo smile back at me as he let go of my hand. There was a sense of emptiness as his black clad frame began to fade into the light. I knew it was something that I would carry with me now. Tears started to run down my face at the irony of it all. Duo had always claimed to be the God of Death, but I was downfall. The angel that had always watched over him. And the Bringer of Death.


End file.
